The Rules.. By Karen Campau

The following was written by my roommate, Karen, who moved here from Michigan.

Here is what I have learned so far since getting to Maui. I will be adding to these rules as I go along, and giving more vocabulary as I learn my way around. My maui cruiser runs good and only has 50,000 miles on it, it is a '94 Tempo and hopefully will last me until I am done here, however long that may be. -k

(**Notes from Susie: My car may technically be a Maui Cruiser based on the odometer. I am in denial about this status, however, and prefer to consider my car a hotrod.)

Rule #1- You must wear antipersperant, you get really sweaty, it is also a good idea to carry around a napkin with you to wipe your face off so it doesn't run down your shirt, at least not in front.
Rule #2- You must drink lots of water, this makes you have to pee a lot, so you have to get used to running to the bathroom every five minutes, but it is a small price to pay so you don't get dehydrated because of all the sweating.

Rule # 3- Do not scream when you see a roach, yes they are huge but they don't bite(they can supposedly fly) , you can scream if you see a centipede, they do bite, and can get up to 12 inches long ( I have only seen one three inches long) You may also scream when you see a scorpion, although I haven't seen one of those yet.

Rule # 4- Do not worry about deadlines, they are not important, things will get done when they need to be done, before that point it is not worth working overtime and worrying about it. (I cannot follow this one, I like deadlines and thrive under stress)

Rule #5- Do not go to the beach between 3 and 4 it is too windy and you will be covered in sand.(**If you want to get a microderm abrasion treatment for free, this may be an option)

Rule #6- The sand here is different, it is much stickier, it is impossible to get off unless you rinse really really good, you can't just let it dry and it will fall off. This is also the reason you MUST NOT lay on a towel on the beach, the sand will not come out of the towel for months, instead it is a good idea to buy a bamboo mat from ABC stores for $1.50 and keep your towel for drying off with. It is also a good idea to take two towels to the beach, one for drying off ocean water, and one for drying off from the shower.

Rule #7- The ocean is too warm to be truely refreshing, I am a Lake Huron girl, and like the water I swim in to be brisk and induce goose bumps, this whole ocean thing isn't the greatest. Plus there a a lot of critters that live in it. (** I disagree with this statement wholeheartedly. The water is downright chilly but turns refreshing after the initial numbness wears off. Major difference in perspective from this VA girl!)

Rule #8- NEVER snorkel where you swim. You really don't want to know what is in there with you.

Rule # 9 Do not leave the main streets unless you know where you are going and have a good map with you, the streets are not laid out on a grid and an East-West street turns into a North-South street fairly often. ( I went to an address on S\. Wakea, but I had to turn onto East Wakea to find it) Also important note about driving, the addresses make no sense, you will find #35 across the street from #77, even/ odd it makes no difference things are numbered randomly. (**Those of you who know me know that I am so directionally challenged that I have no idea what this girl is talking about here..)

Rule #10 Learn how to say the street names, pronounce every letter say it to yourself a few times, if you are unsure ask a local how to say it, if you are asking for directions, ordering a cab, or driving around town it is important to know the difference between Pi'ilani and Pi'ikea, Ka'ahumanu and Kahmehameha, DO NOT just think to yourself (okay I turned right on the K street and left on the P street)

Rule #11- A Hawaii driver's license will get you discounts on all kind of things (**however, obtaining one may be a challenge..)

Rule #12- When you move so far from home you can never get too many emails from home, even if nothing has changed and you have nothing new to say I appreciate every note.

Vocabulary of Maui:

Maui Cruiser- a cheap car that may have a lot of miles, or just look like crap, but still runs and after all you are on a tiny island why do you need a fancy car to go two miles in? I drive a Maui Cruiser

Haole- that is me, a white girl, the locals do not want to rent out their Ohanas to a Haole, any good deal you may find in the paper are not necessarily available to Haoles.

Ohana- The Hawaiian word for family in the context of apartment rentals an ohana is an apartment in a house. Sometimes an ohana is a separate apartment within the house, in the back yard, in the garage, in the attic, there is no regulation on ohanas so they can be a very good deal or piece of crap, only the junky ones are available to Haoles.